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lyrics

a few nights ago i felt there was a strange presence in my room
or maybe it was my head, i dont know
but it was lingering near my pillow
and i tried to pull it out of my ears
but it fought its way down inside of my chest and it's probably going to stay there for years

i screamed the other day, hoping anger would eat my fears
and the deep, ugly sadness that has made a home here
im sorry im so sorry that i think i'll die young
they tell me my grandpa said the same thing, he lived to be 92
why do you think you are any different
i don't know what the difference is, but i feel it
a selfish and warped view of life, maybe and i hate it
but sometimes nothing, nothing feels real,
not the town that ive grown up in, and not the body that ive grown into, and not the people who say "i love you,"
none of it,
and ive been taking medicine for an injured hip,
and i'll admit that it hurts, but looking at the pills that i have to crush up because i cannot swallow them whole,
it makes me realize
my brain is going to swallow me whole
if i do not try to love it.
i'm sorry to every ounce of my body for every minute that i've hated it, and i'm sorry for every single person i have left waiting
because i started burying myself as soon as i was born,
i have been preparing for my funeral since i was five years old.
i don't want to write my eulogy anymore,
my death is weighing upon my chest and everything is in knots
these muscle relaxers make my body tired,
but they dont do much for my thoughts

credits

from how many times will i die in my head?, released October 14, 2015

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five nine three Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

June 2015 - 2017

new music will be posted under the name mary is

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